So You Think You Know Me…

Who are you? 

What do you want? 

Are you OK? 

These are three simple questions that I’ve been asked over the last month or so. Taken out of context, they don’t really make much sense, and on the face of it, these are just somewhat normal everyday questions. In fact, you’re probably wondering why I’m even stating this…

That isn’t so important right now.

I could just answer…

Victoria. Don’t make me say it. Yes.

To really know me, you’ve got to know what I think, feel, makes me tick and turns me on.

I like to view myself as transparent. What you see is what you get. There are no hidden agendas and no ulterior motives. I’m pretty easy to figure out, especially if I’ve already let you into my life enough to share my story.

Welcome to my world. Take a look through my lens.

I Follow My Instincts

rain2

The only really valuable thing is your intuition.

If it feels right, I do it.

I follow my instincts most of the time. I’m sure most people secretly would like to do the same, but fear holds them back. I’ve put a lot of trust into my intuition, and I’ve learnt to follow my gut. In the past, I’ve missed out on so many things because I felt that my gut instinct just didn’t make any logical sense, not any more!

I quickly recognised that the things that I was desiring remained just that, desirables, they didn’t manifest. But I’ve also discovered that if I act on my instinct, I’ve got a hell of a better chance at getting what it is I really crave.

I’m very aware. I’m attuned with what my intuition is actually telling me. This isn’t ‘reckless’, because I’m not hurting myself nor am I hurting anyone else. I’ve put all of my trust into the unknown, and I’m ready to risk it all – game on!

I Change My Mind A Lot

choice

Progress is impossible without change.

This might frustrate the hell out of you, it also frustrates me. Indecisiveness to many might often be considered  as a negative trait. You might also think that I’m my own worst enemy at times, that I’m trying my damnedest to sabotage my happiness and sanity, just because I can’t make up my mind.

The thing is, I don’t play games, not when it comes to matters of the heart, not when it affects anyone else. I change my mind about careers, about activities I want to do, outfits I want to wear on a night out, blog topics I want to explore, what I want to order in a restaurant…these things don’t affect you, just me. The only thing you’ll have to do is patiently wait while I try and choose.

The fact that I can change my mind on almost a daily basis doesn’t mean that I’m stuck. In fact, it’s quite the contrary. I’m able to see many different opportunities whether they’re big or small, and if I feel I need to act on them, I will, even if it means changing my mind.

I Dream Big

dreamer

If my dreams don’t scare me, it means they’re not big enough!

Again, this might seem like a ‘reckless’ thing – I dream big, no I dream huge! Dreaming big is the seed that I need to get the things I really want.

I’ve followed dreams before. Some of them didn’t really work out the way I’d planned in my head, but that’s not going to cease my dreaming. I’m not scared to follow my dreams. They could be massive and seemingly unsurmountable dreams or they could be small dreams that are easy to bring into play, it doesn’t matter and it doesn’t stop me.

But I’ll tell you this. I need your support. Don’t tell me my dreams are ‘impossible’ or that I’m a ‘hopeless dreamer’. Pack your bags and come on the adventure with me, because I want to share them.

I’m an Independent Thinker

thinker

My heart is the best reflective thinker.

I’m a doer and a thinker. I see possibility everywhere I go. I like to think for myself. I’m independent. I left home at 18 to go to University and literally travel the world working. While on my travels I embraced culture, history, politics and habits, all of which have shaped me in some form or other.

I’m an independent thinker. No one can tell me what to think. No one can condition me, because I’m self-reliant, and this to me is real beauty – I have a mind of my own, but I’ll always respect yours.

Labelling me doesn’t work, it just leads to misunderstandings. What I’ll tell you is this. I think out of the box often. My thinking leads me to answers, strategies and innovations, and again, this is something I want to share.

I may be a daydreamer, but I’m also a night thinker. I often lie awake, knowing I should be fast asleep, thinking of new ways to bring everything together.

I Make Mistakes

sorry

Making mistakes is better than faking perfections.

I screw up. Everyone does. Don’t mistake this for me not knowing what I want in life. The difference between myself and others is that when I mess things up, I admit it, my hands are up in the air saying “Yes, I F’ed up!” But every time I do make a mistake, like the time I couldn’t bring myself to speak up, I quickly realised the error of my ways…

The way I see it is that it helps me separate things – the things I truly want and the things I can do without.

I make mistakes, you make mistakes, we all do – it’s a common trait, but just because I do, it’s not a sign that I can’t commit to something. Mistakes are my catalysts for my new ideas…this is how I turn things into a path in which I wish to follow.

I Challenge the Status Quo

challenge

I dare to go beyond.

There are question starters that drive me more than anything else – ‘Why not?’ and ‘What if…?’

I’ll challenge you. I’ll question you. If I feel that things are being taken at face value, I’ll speak out, not in an obnoxious way, but I’ll make you think.

I like to redefine the possible, and to me, this is the way of often finding the answers to those questions that perplex and seem futile.

I Enjoy Me Time

alone

Sometimes all I need to do is just step outside, get some fresh air, and remind myself of who it is I am and who I want to be.

I’m a social person. I thrive on people and intimacy, but I also need that all-important me time. I’m not afraid to admit that I enjoy my own company, and sometimes you’ll find me just curled up under a blanket with a glass of wine and a good book. Coffee shops, libraries, and quiet areas…if you’re looking for me, these would be the first places to check.

My me-time periods aren’t routine. Sometimes I simply want to be in my own space and reflect. It’s during this time I often find myself being able to renew my sources of inspiration and motivation, it’s during these times when I think.

I Think and Speak in Stories

writer

We all have stories to tell.

You’ve just got to skim over previous blog posts to understand. And if you have, and you’ve read them, you know I love to speak through stories. If I haven’t given you background to what it is I’m writing about, it could all sound like a giant riddle with random protagonists, but for those who know me on a deeper level, my plots and characters all make sense.

I love little anecdotes, and when I can, I’ll always find a way to weave stories and feelings into everything I do and say. Perhaps one day you too will recognise yourself in my stories, and if you do, know that I care.

When I get on a roll, you might find yourself rolling your eyes. Sometimes it takes me a hell of a lot longer to explain or tell a story, but perhaps I don’t want to explain or justify, maybe this isn’t my point…maybe it’s the experience that we need to embrace.

I’m Addicted to the ‘Flow State’

create

My creativity is the way I share my soul and heart with the world.

Have you ever experienced that beautiful feeling of creative flow? It’s seriously one of the most addictive experiences you may ever encounter. An adrenalin rush of excitement and highs; it’s a euphoric state in which I can’t explain.

A huge part of me is the ‘creation’ of things. It could be stories, poetry, art, scripts, home decor, memories; it could even be experiences. The mental payoff for my ‘flow state’ is a wondrous thing. It helps me to remain in control, it gives me a sense of purpose…yes, it’s fair to say that I’m addicted to creating.

I Can Connect the Dots Easily

dog

I can’t connect dots looking to the future. It can only be done backwards, which is why I need to have faith that they’ll eventually connect to the future.

What you see and what I see may be two totally different things. Where some people see barriers, restrictions and excuses, I see hope and opportunity.

My ability to connect the dots allows me to see patterns that others are blind to. They may not be obvious, but they are there, and it’s these dots that often encourage me to act on my intuition.

I Wear My Heart On My Sleeve

love

I don’t love casually.

The heart that loves is the heart that stays young.

Just because I’ve been hurt beyond belief in the past, it doesn’t mean that I’m not open for new romantic possibilities.

Wearing my heart on my sleeve has got me into trouble previously, but I see it in two ways – it can either make me more susceptible to a whole lot of pain or it can lead me to out-of-this-world euphoric bliss. As an optimist, I hope for the latter.

I’m not afraid of how I feel. Only I can be the judge of my emotions. Just because I’m willing to take the risks in love and relationships, doesn’t mean that I’m careless.

I’m selfless. I look beyond flaws, and for me love is not a mediocre thing, I don’t break hearts, but I may break the conventional rules.

My biggest fault is that I’ll struggle to tell you how I feel, but trust me, you don’t need my words for validation.

I Notice Everything

observant

I’m the quiet observant type. This is how I learn.

I notice the way you move, the way you speak, the way you touch your hair, I notice the slightest twitch of the eye…I’m acutely observant, and sometimes, I’m quite content just watching, taking it all in, storing it away and saving it for later to pull apart at home and dissect.

To me, the world around us is like one grand dinner party. This is my fodder. I enjoy the buzz, the eccentricity, the beauty of everything and everyone; I even enjoy the awkward silences…

I mental note everything. My mind is a steel trap. I use my experiences and observations to write and to create – it’s through these observations that I can truly get to understand a person and what they’re about. It’s through these moments that the world begins to make sense.

I’m a Giver

giver

There’s no greater feeling that losing myself in my own generosity.

I value generosity. This, I believe is one of my greatest traits. The feeling of giving is indescribable. I give not to receive material things back, I give to see your smile. When I can bring pleasure to others, I’m happy. A simple act of kindness is rewarding in the sense that when I see another person uplifted from my own actions, I feel warmth and satisfaction.

If I could give you the world I would. This is just me.

I’m Selfless

self

I don’t need a reason to help people.

I easily identify with others. My empathy is part of what makes me a good teacher. I just understand. Sometimes you won’t even have to tell me for me to understand, because I’ll just get you.

Being selfless is not to benefit my ego. I put people I care about before myself. I’ll forget myself to know that you’re doing okay.

Being selfless gives me a sense of purpose. There’s nothing I want more in the world to see you achieve and reach your goals – this is what helps me expand my own sense of self.

I Get Jealous

girl sits in a depression on the floor near the wall

My jealousy is my fear of losing you.

I’m a human and humans get jealous, and I’m willing to admit it. Masking jealousy in the past has brought about bitterness and resent, but just know this – I get jealous because I care.

My jealousy isn’t malicious. I don’t get jealous of what people have or what they’ve achieved.

The best way I can view it is that my occasional jealous nature is a window to my soul. Jealousy also teaches me more about myself. It can be a real eye-opening experience at times. In many cases, it throws some new light onto my hidden expectations, whims, wants and desires – it too pushes me to act.

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