#relationshipgoals – I see it everywhere on social media. I log onto Twitter, I see #relationshipgoals. I go onto Facebook, it’s the same bloody thing.
This whole social media #relationshipgoals is driving me nuts!
Get a life people…there are so many more important things happening in the world today to Tweet and post about than stating that your number one relationship goal is to make him/her fall madly deeply in love with you…
Do you not know that relationships take work?
#relationshipgoals is ubiquitous online. There are even stupid little relationship goals memes doing the rounds. Matching couple jumpers or anything matching seems to be the number one relationship goal trend of many social media pundits.
It got me thinking…are people really that shallow? What’s happened to having a ‘real’ relationship?
The mind boggles!
If I were going to do my own #relationshipgoals Tweet or post, it’d be along the lines of: to find and be with someone who really pushes me and motivates me to become a better person. A person that has the ability to show me my own truth worth, the worth that I sometimes fail to see in myself…
Is that too much to ask for in today’s world?
However, in saying that, how can I express my so-called #relationshipgoals in just 140 characters in line with the Twitter posting rules?
I know I may have failed in some relationships, but surely discovering true happiness and longevity in a relationship is more important than posting what the social media world might perceive as an Instagram-worthy relationship moment.
Maybe I’m completely wrong. Maybe my romantic ideals are just too old-fashioned for the modern world, but having seen post after post this morning regarding #relationshipgoals, I wanted to explore and share mine.
Because of you, I smile a little more, cry a little less, and laugh a little harder.
I know where I’ve gone wrong before. I wasn’t friends with previous partners. Yes, of course, I believe romantic and sexual chemistry are two very important factors in a relationship, but I also believe that being friends is just as important, best friends.
I’ve got a group of close-knit friends. We laugh, we talk for hours on end. We cry together. And, when shit hits the fan, we’re there for each other.
I want the same in any partner. I want a best friend. I want to be at ease with them 100%, just like I’d be with one of my longer-standing best friends.
Only the curious have, if they live, a tale worth telling at all.
I’m a Wanderlust. I’ve already described my innate need to travel. It’s in my blood, and I need my partner to be the same. I need a partner in crime!
I’ve had some amazing road trips and overseas adventures with my best friends in the past. Those moments will go down in my own personal history book as some of the highlights of my life.
A travel partner to me needs to be on the same wavelength. We just need to get each other. There have been times in the past when my travelling companion hasn’t lived up to my travel expectations, and the adventure I’d been so excited about quickly turned sour.
I want to share my love for travel and create new memories from travel experiences without arguing and without coming to loggerheads.
Food, culture, sightseeing, going off the beaten track, immersing ourselves into the place where we are, into the unknown…it may be a tall order for some, but this is one of my #relationshipgoals and pre-requisites, and with the right person, this is going to come naturally.
The eyes start love; intimacy perfects it.
I’d be totally lying if I said that a sexual connection and intimacy weren’t important, because they are!
I’ve talked to many married couples, who speak of the ‘passion fading’. I could go into firsthand details, but it’s not really appropriate for a blog (and family members are reading). Maybe I’ll save these for my own private journal writing.
From the start, there has to be chemistry, and it’s got to continue. Complacency in any relationship is unhealthy, surely another #relationshipgoal should be this. Surely, it can only get better from that beautiful ‘first time’ moment. As you get to know someone more, on a deeper level, surely the chemistry should only intensify.
Perhaps I’m being totally naive here, but this is what I’ll strive for.
Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life – without it, it dies.
Communication skills are imperative to me. Being able to communicate on all levels whether it’s on an intimate one or an intelligent one, a superficial one or a silly one, is important.
My parents taught me to communicate well. I also went to a great school, where communication and the art of real conversation was a focus.
A key reason why my last relationship tanked was there was a lack of communication, or perhaps zero communication, but the less said about that the better!
Speaking out and sharing things is what I long for in a relationship. Perhaps I won’t initially be able to express myself without stumbling over my words, but that’s besides the point, at least I’m trying to communicate.
I’ve learnt over the years that things can be resolved by simple communication, which is why transparency, like I mentioned in a blog post ‘So you think you know me…‘ is fundamental.
I’m pretty sure every couple argues and fights, because without this, a relationship lacks fire and challenge, however, it’s overcoming them with words that make a relationship all worthwhile in the end.
Cherish all human connections, family included.
Anyone who knows me inside and out also knows how important my family is to me.
My parents raised me to be the person I am today, and I think they did a pretty damn good job. My brothers, as annoying as they were growing up, are some of my best friends, which is why one of my #relationshipgoals is for my future partner to create a relationship with my family as well as me, and of course vice versa.
My family don’t judge. They support me. But at the same time, they’ll always have my back. They’re a pretty special group of people.
Speak wine, art and travel with mum, have a drink with dad and speak about random politics, health, wellness and sport, and just shoot the breeze about absolutely everything and anything with my brothers and sisters-in-law…I don’t think it’s too much to ask!
Obviously, the same rule applies for me and their family!
To love a person is to see all their magic and to remind them of it when they forget!
Another, perhaps tougher, relationship goal for everyone should be growing and achieving that ‘unconditional love’.
‘Unquestioning’, ‘unrestricted’, ‘unreserved’, ‘unlimited’…there’s a plethora of close synonyms to the word ‘unconditional’ with the prefix ‘un’.
The romantic within me believes that this is possible. But I also know it takes a lot of hard work, from both sides.
For me, achieving this, will be my ultimate relationship goal, and as you connect with a person more, get to know them better, which of course must be contrariwise, you’ll start to reap the benefits and you’ll naturally move towards this – this to me is when the real magic begins.
Real love is all about growing together, as a couple, learning about each other, and not quitting.
I don’t think I’m perfect. You’ve probably noticed that whole ‘perfectionist‘ theme going on in my personal blog musings. As a person, I continue to grow. I recognise my own faults, and I do have them…this is what it means to be human.
Change is inevitable. People change. People grow. To me, the key is to grow together. With this in mind, I really can’t see a relationship failing again.
You can’t write a story together if you’re not on the same page.
I need someone who’s on the same page as me, not in a different chapter or book.
What I want might scare people and vice versa…
The ‘now’ moment isn’t enough. It’s the direction in which the relationship will go that’s important. I want a certain lifestyle (albeit not a pretentious lifestyle), a family (kids included), continued travel and exploration, challenges…
If a person doesn’t want the same then what?
So why am I writing about #relationshipgoals?
It’s not to get any pity nor is it for people to tell me ‘there are plenty of fish in the sea’ (I hate this saying; it’s so cliche). I felt compelled to write my own more ‘authentic’ relationship goals after seeing my newsfeed being inundated with superficial crap.
I just think it’s so incredibly sad that people just can’t strip relationships back to the basics, because this is what it’s all about. What the world needs is more love, not hatred!
Rant and musings over!