On Chasing Others…

Don’t chase a diamond while chasing glitter.

Throughout my life, I’ve been a chaser. I’ve  often referred to chasing my dreams, and that’s fine, but chasing people, that’s a totally different story.

If there’s something I’ve learnt in the last six months, it’s this – I won’t chase anyone, whether it’s for a friendship or something more.

I once chased people because perhaps I’m an idealist and I cherish human connections, but most of all I chased them because I thought they were going to make me happy – they didn’t!

But I’ve finally stopped. And now that I’ve ceased following and seeking (that so-called pursuit for happiness), I’ve seen the light – a beautiful thing has happened. I now recognise that this ‘happiness’ has been here with me the whole time, it was just dormant and untapped.

Why chase people when I’ve got a life to live?

Some might find this difficult to fathom. Some might even say I’m being cynical (I’m not).

I’ve just got to have trust in everything. I need to trust that those people and opportunities that are meant to be in my life will come – they’ll flow naturally, without having to force anything. I won’t wait, I will continue to do my own thing. I’ll work hard, I’ll be me, and the right people will come.

Once upon a time, this particular concept of not chasing people would’ve been difficult for me to grasp – some people just won’t like me, even if I haven’t done anything wrong, or even worse, some might even feign liking me when, as a matter of fact, they don’t.

I recall reading an interview with Hollywood actress, Kristen Bell. She too struggles with the concept, saying “I shatter a little bit when I think people don’t like me…it really hurts my feelings”.

To be honest, what she said is precisely how I feel, or should I say felt? People walk out of your life, use you for their own personal gain, talk behind your back, read your messages and don’t respond, continuously cancel plans…you know what, I no longer care, and I’ll keep reminding myself to stop chasing these people because it’s not worth sacrificing my own happiness or inner-peace for.

The biggest lesson that’s been learnt (although I need to pay more heed) is that people will always make time in their lives, no matter how busy they are, for the things and people they value and care about.

People, who don’t make time for me, or for you, don’t care! The truth was a bitter pill to swallow at first…I remember on so many occasions not listening to my intuition that they didn’t care, and instead, like a fool, I found myself trying even harder to force a person into liking me.

Talking about relationships one day, my friend put it bluntly – you want the ones you can’t have. Maybe he was right, maybe he wasn’t. But what he did tell me was to stop chasing pipe dreams, stop being their ‘occasional’, ‘their backup’ or their ‘no one’.

It seemed really harsh at the time, and this reminds me I need to give him a call, because if there’s going to be one person who’s impressed with my progress, it’s going to be him.

I value consistency. I value the things and people I can rely on. Those people, who check those boxes, will be in my life for a very long time, offering their love and attention, those who don’t, will have a very short-lived temporary pass.

I now know that a person can hurt me as much as I allow them to.

Does this mean that I’m building up a wall around me, to protect myself from only allowing those I trust to be genuine in? Not at all. I’ll let people into my life, because if there’s one thing that I’m not, it’s a bitch. I’ll allow people in, but as soon as I see that they’re not bona fide, I’ll refrain from anything else – I’m not a sucker for pain and misery, not anymore! I’d much prefer to keep my existing tribe closer – I’m content with my own company, and I’ve got plenty of beautiful friends and family, who’ll go to the end of the earth for me and vice versa.

I’ve finally ‘arrived’ as another friend put it quite poetically the other day. I’ve reached that tranquil place, and I no longer feel the need to chase. Because at the end of the day, if they can’t see the joy, richness and beauty I have to offer, they don’t belong in my life.

My life has become more meaningful, more purposeful, and these are two things I refuse to try and prove to others – I’ll chase my destiny, not people!

 

 

2 thoughts on “On Chasing Others…

  1. Nice post! I’ve definitely found myself in this position a few times in my life–wanting to be someone’s friend, or wanting to fit in, and bending myself around to fit their lifestyle or expectations. The price you pay just isn’t worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

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