I’m in an Awesome Relationship

Learning to love myself was one of the most difficult things in my life.

I’m an in an awesome relationship…with myself. Before anyone gets too excited, I haven’t eloped and got married in secret…nor am I in a relationship (yet). This has nothing to do with other people or my dream partner – it’s all about me! You’re probably more than aware that I’ve been concentrating on me of late, and I’ve finally overcome a lot of…let’s say ‘issues’ in the last few months.

Back in the day I was a huge fan of Sex and the City (actually I still am). I could watch re-run after re-run and never tire of it. Carrie Bradshaw rocks, and actually, she reminds me a bit of me, only her wardrobe is far superior.

Speaking of Sex and City, I remember that grand iconic finale when Carrie famously says, “The most challenging, exciting and significant relationship is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you that you love, well, that’s just fabulous.”

Forget the Manolos and the Choos, I couldn’t agree more with Carrie’s sentiments. The new me puts me first (unless you’re my family and my pre-existing friends). All of these relationships are important, but the most significant healthy relationship that I should be fostering is with myself.

Share vs. Validate

Social media can be a dangerous tool if not used correctly. Previously, I used it to validate. I wasn’t in a great place, and I’ll be the first to admit that I was trying to use it to prove things to people whose opinions don’t really matter…prove what? I’m not exactly sure.

Comparing was the worst thing I was doing…and this is something I referred to the other day! I’ve started afresh – I can’t compare my beginning to someone else’s middle.

Now, it’s a different story – I share to connect. I’m in an amazing place mentally (physically I’m also getting there as well) and I’m honestly past what others think of me!

I find myself looking at what I post more. I’ve even gone back and deleted previous posts because they haven’t been in line with my values or beliefs. Every time I go on social media I evaluate my motives, and if there’s any doubt whatsoever, I hold off and refrain from posting.

Spas, Massages, Pampering

Hell yes! I’ve always loved going to spas for a long lazy day of pampering, but I’ve also always felt guilty about spending so much money on myself. These days, it’s quite the opposite…I know my worth, and this pampering is a great way of practising self-care.

When I love a person, my natural instinct is to take care of them in the best way possible. It could be done in many ways – massages, cooking, listening…It’s taken me a hell of a long time to realise this, but now I see it – I wasn’t giving myself the same courtesy as I was giving others.

I’ve started caring for myself more. Self-care means different things for different people. For me, it’s getting adequate sleep, having down time, exercising on a regular basis, and treating myself to plenty of beauty and spa treatments.

Yes, it might cost me, but I’d far prefer to be in a good relationship with myself. I make a point of treating myself to something indulgent at least once a week – sometimes it’s just in the form of a sheet mask from Boots, but this doesn’t matter – I’m loving it, and my body is too!

Sex Positive

Just because I’m single, it doesn’t mean I’m going to go out there and sleep with randoms in the hope of finding the ‘one’ – people who feel good about themselves just don’t engage in this kind of self-shaming behaviour. I know my own needs – I also know my own boundaries, and I won’t ever compromise this to satisfy others.

On the Pedestal

This is probably one of my biggest drawbacks when it comes to disrespecting myself – I always put people first. I’ve done this almost my whole life and as a result I’ve lost a lot, missed out on things, and I also lost myself in the process.

Here’s the harsh truth – I believe that no one else in this world can take care of me as much as I can take care of myself.

Yes, I have many people who love me. I have many who go above and beyond to help me. But the truth is, there’s not one person out there who knows what I need. They may know snippets of my life, but they don’t know what I’m experiencing nor do they know what I really want…

This is why I’ve conditioned myself (as challenging as this has been) to put myself first no matter what – always!

I’ve taken a long hard look at all the different relationships in my life recently. Most of them are positive relationships, but there have been some in which I’ve sacrificed my health or happiness for in a bid to make the other person happy.  Once I recognised these problematic relationships, I was able to take action – I’ve set boundaries, and in some cases I’m re-evauating some of these relationships.

My Financial Needs

I’m not money obsessed. I never have been. However, I have been in close relationships with people who are, and it’s something I just don’t get.

In saying this, I do make sure that I’m financially secure, because I also believe that this is a form of self-care and self-love.

Previously, I  undersold my services, I allowed people to take advantage of me financially, and I was extremely careless with how I spent. Now I have goals…and most of these goals do require money…and this is what I’ll continue to work towards.

Kindness

If I go back to my High School days, I hang my head in shame. There was so much gossip and at times, I was often the ringleader. Gossiping isn’t constructive, it hurts and it’s something we often get involved in to better ourselves. It’s a way that people try to compensate for their own shortcomings or insecurities – not cool!

Like I said before, I’m in an awesome place right now – I feel great about myself – and I have no desire to speak ill of others or be unkind.

Flaws Acceptance

Remember my quest towards perfection…that fucked me up big style!

I’ve always been way too harsh on myself. I’ve judged myself in the cruelest of ways. In short, I’ve been awful.

As I’ve transitioned and moved into a better place, I’ve learnt to accept most of my shortcomings…

One of the best examples of this is my emotional side. I’m super sensitive and very emotional. I cry easily and I allow myself to become affected. I’ve always hated how I showed my vulnerability – my weakness – I always thought that this was my Achille’s heel – it was the way people took advantage of me. I tried my hardest to suppress those feelings. I discovered I could, but I’d compromised my good nature and turned into a hard-nosed bitch. I now know that I was born like this and actually, it’s better to be sensitive than cold. I’ve learnt that for every negative trait I have there’s at least one positive one.

Of course I still need to improve, but there’s a huge difference between self-love and self-hate. I now have the mentality of “I WANT to be better” as opposed to “I NEED to be better!”

 

 

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