But darling, in the end you need to be your own hero because everyone else is busy trying to save themselves.
The other day I found myself caught up in a bit of a whirlwind. Unfortunately for me it wasn’t one of those whirlwind days packed with enthusiasm and positivity. It was the other kind. I found myself sucked into one of those all-too familiar downward spirals. No matter what I did or said, I just couldn’t bring myself to be my own hero.
I know we all get caught out sometimes, but even still, those negative voices in my mind always catch me off guard, and no matter how hard I try to mute them, they seem to just grow louder and louder!
“You’re not ambitious enough”
“You’re not skilled enough”
“You’re not talented enough”
“People aren’t interested in what you’ve got to offer”
“What are you doing with your life?”
“So you really think you’re so special?”
“There’s no point in really trying because it’ll never happen”
Sometimes that little-big voice takes over. It threatens me. It tells me how great I can and can’t dream – it’s usually the latter. Sometimes it tries to make me into a smaller version of myself, without windows, without air – it’s like a confined space where there’s no room for dreams to grow.
Thank God I’ve learnt to recognise it!
I cleared some space in my lounge, opened the blinds, allowing the morning sun to stream in, and got into the full lotus position and closed my eyes, trying to draw in positive energy.
I allowed my thoughts to wander beyond the realms of my pre-conceived notions of possibility. Positive thoughts began to creep into my psyche, instantly creating more space for dreaming and curiosity.
I’m definitely a person who easily can get sucked into an empty void should the mood allow. It’s something I’m working on, but time and time again, I do feel myself being drawn into a place I can’t escape.
I transitioned into some more physically demanding yoga positions. And as I did, those voices that had been lingering slowly began to let go, loosening their hold. I’m still a novice when it comes to meditating, but the more I practise it the more I believe in the psychological benefits of yoga.
When I let myself slip and move away from simple meditative practices, I can notice the difference. Those nasty unwelcome thoughts remain in the dark corners, hiding, ready to enter once again as soon as I give them the nod.
Thankfully, despite a few lapses in confidence, I know that these voices that hang about in my head aren’t really me – they’re not my truth, and they certainly don’t reflect my dreams.
I’ve seen so many people constantly purposefully search for the negative; they’ve been ruined by their own insecurities. No matter how hard some people try, they can’t pick themselves up – it’s a way of life for them…
I choose something different, because I’m resilient – I choose, I adapt, I welcome change, and I fly.
Sometimes I can be pretty brutal. Brutal on myself, not towards others. Self-love is a constant work in progress, and after making some huge personal mistakes that I regret in the last few months, I admittedly did find it difficult to get back to my good place.
I’ve learnt that I’ve just got to be gentle with myself. I must be kind. Life wasn’t meant to be easy – it’s an adventure, and the tests and bumps in the roads are what make everything all the more interesting.
I often try and carry the weight of my stress alone; this is something I need to let go of. I need to be my best friend and I need to realise that I’m enough (even though a jerk recently told me otherwise) just the way I am!