Up until not so long ago, I couldn’t fathom making decisions without getting a nod of approval from the people closest to me first. In retrospect, it had nothing to do with how good and confident I felt about whatever decision it was I was making; I still needed that validation before I could take that all-important final step forward. This had nothing to with my loved ones, it was all about me and the way I used to go about things.
That constant need for approval from others worked some times. Sometimes it helped me find the courage to do things that I was shit scared of doing…the massive decisions I’ve made over the last year was a prime example of this – I don’t know if I could’ve gone through with some of these things without knowing I was making the right decision or not. Sometimes it was just good to hear those reassuring words from my mum that I was doing the right thing and that I should do what was best for me.
But at the same time, my need for constant approval also prevented me from doing things. It caused me to miss out on some fabulous opportunities, opportunities that could’ve made a difference, a difference in my overall personal development and growth, and this was all because I sought answers elsewhere.
There’s No Right Time
Who was I kidding?
The timing’s never perfect – this is one thing I’ve learnt when it has come to making some life-altering decisions recently.
There are a few things that I’ve told myself this year…
I’ve said that I’m going to find the love of my life…I’ve said I’m going to finally pay off my student loan…I’ve said that I’m going to drop 10kg…blah blah blah…you get the gist!
I’ve said many things!
But guess what happened?
As soon as I made those decisions, life intervened. It just seemed to get in the way, making everything all the more complicated! Don’t even get me started on the excuses I made and the many forms of procrastination I discovered.
So this is why I’m trying to coax myself out of my comfort zone – the safe place where I feel secure, because if there’s one thing I’ve learnt, and that’s the timing is never perfect, especially when it comes to taking risks or following dreams.
There’s always going to be those people who try and convince you otherwise…the people who try and persuade you to take another road, such as the time when I got a promotion at work and a friend was adamant that I should return to NZ instead of building my career…
How selfish of me that I chose me…NOT!
They could’ve been trying to protect me, knowing the pain and heartache I’ve had to endure over the last year. They might’ve been saying this for their own personal gain and not mine. They also could’ve been doing it because of their own situation, such as the lack of satisfaction and happiness in their life. Perhaps the idea of me following my dreams made them feel insecure and uneasy…who knows?
I’ll probably never find out, but that’s OK! I can live with this!
I found myself trying to justify why I was taking the promotion…like really?
Why the hell should I have to explain why I’ve made the decision to continue living in the UK to advance my career, better myself, and make myself financially secure?
Here’s the thing – I don’t owe you or anyone else an explanation about this. I’m being brave and I’m following my heart! I know that I’m the master of my own fate and forever may this continue! The same should also go for you!
If I’d waited for that perfect moment to take the promotion or if I’d listened and packed my bags and headed home without leaping out of my comfort zone, I’d have missed out on the job opportunity and could’ve put my whole career on the line at the same time.
So no, I do not owe you or anyone else a reason as to why I’m doing this. Because you know what, I’ve realised now that if I hold back on things because of what other people say or think, I’m robbing myself of some possible life-altering opportunities, opportunities that may never possibly come my way again!
Plus, who knows which exciting paths these next journeys will take me on.
Despite my recent wobbles and moments of panic, I’m ready to accept the challenges in front of me and I’m not going to let anyone make me feel guilty about it.
There’s been a bit of a lull regarding my journaling of late. I guess in a way journaling thoughts online in this blog suffices sometimes, but it’s not got the same effect.
Yesterday, while stewing over a cappuccino, I got out my journal and wrote furiously on this topic. The more I thought about having to offer explanations to people, the more frustrated I got. My pen got carried away and my mind raced, and as a result I came up with a few other things that I don’t owe others…
#1. I Don’t Owe You The Right To Sit There And Judge My Dreams
They’re called dreams for a reason…and usually, a person’s dreams are personal, and they’re reflective of what they want, so why should anyone judge my, or anyone else’s, dreams?
One of my ultimate dreams is to pack up and work remotely in Bali. It’s not impossible, and in fact many people do it. I personally know a few people who’re doing very well for themselves working remotely in Bali, so why the hell not?
I recall telling a person I went on a lacklustre date with a while back about my dream of living and working remotely and Bali. He sneered and then scoffed, stating something a long the lines of “Yeah, isn’t that everyone’s dream?”
I didn’t know whether his flippant words were a question or an attempt at a snide comment…
At the time he made me feel stupid for dreaming big and even thinking that I had the slightest of chances of ever living and working in Bali as an expat. I knocked that idea on the head momentarily, but thankfully I’ve found my mojo again, and I’m more determined than ever – watch out!
I’ve realised that with what I do, it’s not impossible to live and work remotely in Bali, or anywhere else for that matter. In fact, it’s not impossible for anyone to work remotely anywhere. You just need some gumption to do it. I’ve done it before, so I can most certainly do it again.
So guess what? I don’t owe that guy or anyone else the right to judge my dreams, and neither do you!
My dreams are my dreams – it’s that simple. It’s up to me, and me alone, to find the route I want to take and walk in life. Once I’ve made the decision to do something, it’s no one else’s business but my own, so if I turn around one day and say “I’m moving to Bali. I’m going to work remotely!” so be it!
You read it here first!
Initially, it might be challenging to block the opinions of others out, especially of those people who just bring constant negativity and criticism to the table.
I guess the moral of the story here is to to remember your purpose and what you set out to do, and it’ll all become slightly easier for you regardless of whether people are trying to squash your dreams.
This is why I continue to keep my own head held high. If I continue to believe, I will succeed.
2. I Don’t Owe You an Excuse
This is how I see it. No matter what, at the end of the day, I’m going to push on with following my dreams and ambitions regardless of whether you like it or not. This could mean following one of my biggest dreams at the moment, the one I mentioned before – working remotely in Bali, it could be working for a Grazia or something similar, or it could be just kicking ass when my promotion kicks in next September.
My dreams are my dreams, and I don’t owe excuses. What I’ve learnt over the past years is that if I manage to come up with excuses to explain why I never accomplished my goals or followed my dreams, I wasn’t really invested in them in the first place.
Thinking of excuses to explain yourself to others is a complete fucking waste of time. My time’s precious, and that effort I put into excuses as to why I didn’t do something could be used more productively, such as figuring out how to move to Bali and work remotely or write my own screenplay. Instead of conjuring up every excuse under the sun to explain myself to you, I’m going to put it into finding ways to overcome challenges and roadblocks.
This time I spend on exploring ways of accomplishing my dreams will put me one more step ahead of getting to that desired destination.
#3. I Don’t Owe You any Power Over Me
Woah, who put you in charge of me?
Because guess what, I won’t allow anyone to control me ever again.
In the past, I’ve allowed people to hurt me over and over again. Even recently, I allowed people to make comments that hurt my feelings without any retribution.
I’m finally learning to let go of these people. Some people I openly let go of, and others I just let slide off the radar, because if they don’t get that they’ve hurt me or placed unnecessary and selfish pressure on me, they’re really not worth having in my life.
I make it sound like it’s super easy to let a person go without feeling the pain. I’m going to be honest, it’s not. It’s fucking hard, but it’s even harder putting up with them and allowing them to destroy your soul and who you are as a person.
I’m not saying it’s easy to let someone go without feeling the hurt, but if you want to experience the abundance, success and happiness you desire in your life then you can’t afford to keep carrying their negative energy with you. Make the courageous decision to move on and achieve your dreams.