You’ve probably been wondering where I’ve been…good question – I often ask myself the same thing. You’ve probably also been wondering why I stopped blogging…
Many people have asked me whether I’d quit my blog, and quite rightly so given my previous prolific blogging. Others simply questioned why the hiatus? A few didn’t even notice.
Well I’m back!
There’s been so much going on…some good, some not so great and I simply got lost and overwhelmed, and to be honest, sometimes I just wasn’t in the mood to blog…oh, the irony…
A promotion at work left me busy, panicked and questioning my ability (silly I know!). Then there’s that dreaded failed relationship, the one that was always referred to indirectly, the one I refused to acknowledge head on. There’s also my new obsession with working out, and my desire to become a better me both mentally and physically through exercise and healthy eating (more about this later). Oh, and let’s not forget the quandary I found myself in, wondering whether people were actually interested in my blogs (I know, bring out the violins!).
In fact, there’s no one reason why I stopped blogging. However, I knew this said ‘break’ was never going to be permanent – I’d expressed how much I loved blogging time and time again. I’d also mentioned that blogging had helped my recovery and heartache, but to be honest, taking a much-needed break from blogging has helped me step back and reflect, both on myself and others around me.
In this blogging ‘break’, I’ve learned so much. I’ve mostly learned that there’s no easy fix for anything. I can’t simply paste my heart back together and pretend it’s all okay – there will be many more days ahead that will seem unbearable. I can’t dramatically change my appearance without a shitload of hard work and sweat. I can’t create a new mind shift just like that and not expect to fall off the wagon from time to time…you get my drift.
Self-deprecating thoughts still haunt me, and if you’ve been following me, you know too well my struggles with perfectionism. There have been some days that fear grabbed me by the throat, almost choking me because I didn’t think I’d ever achieve my goals or get to the place where I wanted to be…
Why I stopped blogging is like the black hole…there’s no one answer, and I could go round and round in circles, offering a number of reasons, never to find one conclusion or solid explanation that actually makes any sense.
But this is what I’ve figured out…a way to help me remove my fear and insecurities is to pour everything back into the one thing I’ve noticeably neglected for the past month or so, my blog!
Will I stop blogging in the future?
I’d love to say ‘No’, but nothing’s ever 100% certain, is it? In fact my blogging hiatus has made me even more determined to get back on track with my writing, because in all honesty, it really is the one thing I love, and like Voltaire once said:
Writing is the painting of the voice…
…and this is why I do it!